I though we were going to be friends and help each other. love each other? I don't understand this thing with the quarterback, but it is crushing my heart. I hope you will try to understand where I'm coming from. I just want to do the right thing, but I seem to be missing some of the picture so I'm doing the best I can with what I got; is there no mercy for me? I've been thinking lately about what's really important and I came to a few conclusions. I realized a while ago that the meaning of life is to love and as I went deeper into it I realized that the purpose, the intent, the desire of love is to be merciful, and mercy is restoration to not just what you were but something greater but while we are saved by grace alone it is only after all we can do. A lesson needs to be learned so that past bad choices are not repeated. We can do hurtful things and say we are sorry but sorry only has meaning when we bridle ourselves from a repeat offense. The desire of a brokenheart should never be to get even but rather to find a way to love greater by being merciful. You may not remember this but our spirits were married before we ever came here. Our bodies are not yet married but our spirits are. It was something that you willingly entered into because I know that I would never force it upon you. It took me a while to finally realize it, but when I think of Jessica senior, I don't get the feelings I do when I think of you. I didn't know what to think of it at first but now I understand that it was pointing me in the right direction I just needed to remove a few obstacles blocking me from getting a clear picture of what was right for me. She is a really great person, Jessica/Shawna, but she is simply not you.

I have an eternal and continual prayer in my heart, mind, and soul that you will forgive me my short-comings and grant me tender mercy and the grace that you said you would give me and I pray these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

One thing that has been made clear to me is that if you don't forgive and then grant mercy then you take into your heart and soul bitter resentment which will blind you to love and then you walk the path of self-destruction and it is a path of misery. Wouldn't it be so great if we could forgive each other and go back to loving each other and all the laughter we once had? We could go back to that and then build a strong foundation and blast off into the eternities always give each other the purest from of love there is: mercy as we honor the life and mission of Jesus Christ and all that love stands for? It's either that or I spend eternity alone and by myself with a heart that has been eternally crushed. Would you condemn me to such a fate? I pray that mercy fills your life. There is no other girl for me and perhaps she tried to take me away from you, but it didn't work, because if nothing else I figured out that you are my true soul-mate. I don't think I could ever find a connection so strong as that in all the universe, and I don't even want to try. I beg you: mercy.

Sincerely,
Joshua